Inner Kid Connection: The Sensitive Inner Child

As I've stated in a previous post, inner kids are sensitive. If you do have, or have had, or have known someone who has an active inner child, you've probably already noticed that they are sensitive creatures.

This is because inner children are usually born from trauma in our lives. At some point, each of us was hurt and an inner kid grew out of that pain. They are in some ways blocks of emotions to which we assign personality and (if we role play) a back story intended to support their personhood as a character.

Roleplays like Birchwood Isle treat inner children as though they are characters. If we look at a "character" as a creation in the mind of a writer (or even an actor) then we run the risk of treating inner kids as though they are two-dimensional strings of words on a screen or a paper. This might be acceptable in other role play settings, but in an age play group, we have to treat one another with greater sensitivity than we would if the characters were two-dimensional and not damaged pieces of ourselves.

Most of us remember to treat our own inner kids with care, but it's easy to forget that another person's inner kid is as important as our own is. Today I'd like to admonish everyone reading to consider every emotionally real inner they find as being as important as their own, and do not hesitate to treat them with the same respect with which you'd like to be treated. Every one of these "characters" is born from trauma, abuse, or abandonment, and they have a right to be sensitive.

This is a good time for me to stress that it is especially important to understand why Birchwood Isle asks that each of the inners on our site (whether child, teen, or adult) be able to rely on their "keeper." Some people refer to this as the "big," but since we recognize that adults have their place in our mental universes as well, even they should be able to rely on us to keep them safe from the bad things in the world.

No world is perfect: Not even Birchwood Isle. I don't think that we'd want it that way, because I believe that in order to heal, the world has to be a natural one that makes sense to the people who live there. But when conflicts arise, you must be able to care for and protect your inners. 

Nobody else can do this for you, but we should attempt to be forgiving, generous, and gentle with one another to help fill that gap.

Residential Quadrants on Birchwood Isle

We envision Birchwood Isle as a quaint and homey small town spread out over roughly half of a privately-governed island in the North Atlantic.

The inhabited half of the island is divided roughly into four main quadrants: The Northern Isle (middle class), the Eastern Isle (upper classes), the Southern Isle (farmlands, ranches, and homesteads), and the Western Isle (lower classes). Originally the Western Isle was devoted as reserved lands for the Piper clan, but that has since changed. 

Recently we've altered the way that we handle the class system on Birchwood Isle (something which will come up soon in one of our Weekly Roleplay Tips, so watch out for it!) in order to encourage people to branch out and make some more unusual selections for their characters. The Eastern Isle has begun to grow too much and we'd like to divert some of these characters into other social classes.

It's difficult to categorize people, and so we've generally filtered people into residential areas at the request of the players. this results in a large number of "wealthy" characters and fewer "poor" characters. We wanted to make things more interesting, so we've further divided these quadrants into two halves each.

From now on, it will look like this:

Upper Class (wealthy) residents will live on the Eastern Isle where it borders the coast and the Northern Isle. This means that some of these residences will be "beach front" while other residences in this section will be set into the woods. Homes in this quadrant will have spacious lawns with larger home buildings. No home will be within shouting distance of its neighbors, and these homes will always be single-family homes (i.e. no condos, townhomes, or apartments in this area).

On the forum, look under Eastern Isle for the Upper Class forum. Your character must either be in the government or have a high-profile, high-income career in order to live here.

Upper Middle Class residents will live on the Eastern central island, closer to the town. This means that the residents of this area have easier access to the town areas and to work. Most of the families housed in this area have at least one working adult in them, and these adults may work higher-profile jobs or simply higher-paid jobs. Homes in this area resemble upper middle class neighborhoods in the United States. These homes are generally in the half-million to million dollar price range (for comparison to American homes). Townhomes and a wealthy apartment complex is provided in this area of the island.

On the forum, look under Eastern Isle for the Middle Class forum. Your character's job must meet income requirements in order to maintain a home in this section. Speak to an administrator before declaring an Eastern Isle family.

Middle Class residents will live on the Northern Island in the wooded area where it borders the Eastern Isle. This area spreads from the woods all the way to the town. These homes are closer together, much like a suburban area in the United States. Neighborhoods are compact and closely knit. Residents of this area generally have good jobs as shoppe or restaurant managers and may work in finance. Apartment complexes and middle class townhomes are available in this area.

On the forum, look under Northern Isle for the Middle Class forum. Your character's family must have at least one adult working in upper management or finance in order to have a home in this area.

Lower Middle Class residents will live on the Northern Isle where it borders the Western Isle. This area spreads back into the woods and stretches to the border with the Western Isle and the lower class areas. Homes here have smaller lawns to keep costs down, but they are still generally very well kept. Residents of this area generally work in lower management and/or have two adults per family working. Two apartment buildings provide inexpensive housing for small families or couples.

On the forum, look under Northern Isle for the Lower Middle Class forum. Your character's family must have at least two working adults in order to have a home in this area. Consider an apartment for single adults.

Working Class residents will live on the Western Isle where it borders the Northern Isle and the beach. This area covers a small amount of land, as there is such a small segment of the population of Birchwood Isle that fit into this wealth class. Homes here are small and compact, and a trailer park dominates much of the land here. Anyone preferring to live in a mobile home will ultimately make their home here, regardless of social class. There are no apartment buildings here: Residents must choose cottages or trailers.

On the forum, look under Western Isle for the Working Class forum. Your character must either belong to a family with low-paying jobs or desire to live in a trailer or trailer park. Please consider your preference of home carefully!

Piper Clan residents will live on the Western Isle where it borders the Southern Isle. This area is reserved specifically for the Piper Clan and no other residents may live here. The clan is played primarily by the administrative team, so this is not an area you'll need to worry too much about. Pipers live in small cottages and occasionally trailers without much organization to their homes. Strangers are generally unwelcome on this part of the island.

On the forum, look under Western Isle for the Piper Lands forum. Your character must be a Piper or adopted into the Piper clan in order to live on this part of the island. Not all Pipers have to live here. 

Homesteaders will live on the Southern Isle where it borders the Piper Lands. This section has been carved out specifically for those who are running small, private homesteads. Properties in this area range in value and size, but many are less than five full acres of land. Families may be dependent entirely on their own homesteads for food, and homesteads may include animals and crops. 

On the forum, look under Southern Isle for the Homesteaders forum. Your character's family must be a homesteading family in order to live on this part of the island. He or she may also hold down a regular job.

Farmers and Ranchers will live on the Southern Isle where it borders the Eastern Isle. The homes here are spread out, the houses generally large, and the acreages huge to provide food for the families on the island as well as to provide livestock animals and meat. Horse and cattle ranches are abundant with one or two sheep ranches scattered throughout. These people provide most of the food for the island.

On the forum, look under Southern isle for the Farms and Ranches forum. Your character must be a farmer or a rancher in order to live on this part of the island. At least one adult must actively farm or ranch the land in order to remain here. Farmers and ranchers may treat their home as a business and hire on additional staff. Include this in the family profile!

Inner Kid Connection: Your IK is OK. Mine is Too

Ageplay is full of differing philosophies on whether or not sexuality should be a part of play and engagement, about whether or not physical punishment is okay for inner children, about whether or not inner children are the product of our imaginations or a mental illness. Questions and uncertainties plague the community, and so I would like to lay one important thing to rest:

All inner kids are "okay" in our book.

I'm comfortable with sexuality in age play, prefer discipline in my age play, and understand that my inner kids may be the result of trauma (I'm adopted) but that I do not have the symptoms of dissociative identity disorder.

Your mileage may vary, and that's okay!

What I would like to establish at this point is that it is not okay to imply that another person's inner kid is "wrong" because she is different from yours. Preferring a relationship without discipline (or physical discipline) doesn't make you in any way superior to someone who thrives on discipline and who feels more comfortable where it is present. Non-sexual ageplay doesn't put you into an elite class of people who are "better" than the rest of us who enjoy sexuality as part of our experience.

We work very hard to make everyone comfortable. Birchwood Isle does permit sexuality and physical punishments on the site (within reason). Our site does not, however, allow people's limits to be broken simply because one person desires something the other does now.

When discussing your inner children (or inner child) and your preferences for him or her, it's essential that you communicate with inclusive language. To say "Nobody should spank an inner kid! That's abusive!" implies a superior attitude as opposed to those people who prefer physical punishment in their age play relationships. 

Your preferences are okay. So are mine.

Your IK is OK. So is mine.

The Roleplay Cycle and Its Effect on Inner Kids

There has been considerable discussion at home lately about the way that I run through cycles in my hobbies and interests. I'm not depressed: I'm always interested in something; Sometimes the thing I'm interested in isn't role play. I think that these cycles are normal for most people because you can see them throughout the role play community, on forums, on Tumblr, in every genre. 

Most of us seem to cycle through these phases together, which means that the role play community will have fewer good, strong groups during the "purging periods" and more good, strong, serious groups during the "binging" periods. A third and forth phase of the cycle complete it, much like the lunar phases. Our interest waxes and it wanes, with periods of fullness and periods of darkness. Surely Ava and I aren't the only ones who experience this phenomenon.

Recently I've had to express my apologies to several of our members, because I'm in the purging part of my cycle, obsessed with music and reading and less with posting and character creation. I work hard to keep up, but there are times I simply don't have the time with everything else that I have going on.

What I wanted to talk about was the way that these purge cycles affect my inner kids. It seems to have the opposite effect of the one expected: They appreciate the time to come out of their shells in the real world and engage in the hobbies that we share with one another. Some enjoy the music lessons, others dig deep into books I wouldn't otherwise read, and most of them try their hand at blogging now and again.

The inner kids around me, unfortunately, suffer. Mine do just fine with these "purges" but the kids I'm taking care of tend to suffer while I work through to keep the balance. This is why I often choose not to adopt other people's inner kids, so that I don't have to worry about their suffering abandonment when I cannot, or do not wish to, post on Birchwood Isle.

I'm already coming out of it now. Some of this cycle was brought on early by situations beyond my control but which happened on Birchwood Isle. It's getting better now, and I'm hoping to get some things done shortly. 

Please don't be afraid to join us, and don't be afraid of your own cycles, either!