Why I Won't Adopt Your Inner Kid

I'm a "yes man" (except that I'm a woman) in as much as I have a terrible time telling people "no" when they ask me pleadingly if I will give them their heart's greatest desire. After all, I'm physically capable of doing it; In theory it's nothing more than words on a screen, written to satisfy the emotional needs of another person. It's a kindness to take care of people when you're capable of doing the work necessary to care for them, isn't it? Don't we all wish to be kind?

Let me break down the reasons why asking me to adopt your inner kid is impractical.

1. I just don't like being asked. It's very difficult to say no to somebody, especially when you understand their need. Being asked makes me highly uncomfortable and if we were on our way to bonding, there's a chance that asking me will interrupt the process that might have actually led to me adopting your inner kid. I'm not doing this to be cruel; I'm just telling you the truth.
2. If I agree to adopt your inner kid, then everybody else will want me to adopt their inner kid too. It might not occur to you that other people in the group have already asked me to adopt their children, but to put it in simple terms, three people at Birchwood Isle have at this point asked me to adopt one of their children. I can't adopt all of them, and if I agree to adopt yours, then that's not fair to others.
3. I have a trusting relationship with my primary roleplay partner, Ava. I role play with everybody and I do not consider myself to be insular with Ava in that I'm willing to play with and punish everyone in the group -- within reason and moderation. I'm even willing to adopt a small handful of kids -- at my discretion. However, my trust has been placed in Ava and I know that our relationship is symbiotic. She gives me more than she takes from me.
4. In general, I'm doing more for the group than I'm getting from the group. Ava and I operate on a 2/3 rule. Each of us believes that we should be giving 2/3 and taking 1/3. Most of the time I'm already giving my 2/3, and I'm not ready to give up the final 1/3 of time that I have to focus on my own inner kids in order to focus on your inner kid. I'm sorry if you feel this is unfair, but I'm giving more than I'm taking.
5. I don't know you very well. Ava's and my relationship took three months to get to the point I was willing to parent one of her kids (Bryn, as it happens), and then took another nearly three months before we were even actually friends. It took a lot of time before we built the trust that we have now. We've been together (intimately) for three years now, and we live together. Getting to know you takes time that many aren't willing to spend.
6. I'm afraid I'll abandon you. Part of knowing someone well, and trusting them well, is knowing that they aren't going to abandon you or that you aren't going to abandon them. Most of us have at some point or another been abandoned by a roleplay parent. I don't want to be the person who gets too exhausted or frustrated with having to do a lot of punishing and therefore walks away from you. Trust me when I tell you that I have little patience for inner kids who drive from one punishment thread to the next, and I'll wind up moving on. I know myself: Trust me.
7. You're too demanding. Insisting that I adopt your inner kid is a very demanding thing to do, and most people who ask do so repeatedly over a period of days or weeks (often before leaving the group, I'm afraid). It's better if you let me interact with you naturally, get to know your inner kid, and come to you. We do adoption on Birchwood Isle for a reason, and our adoption policies make this an extended process that takes a long time so that both parties can be sure. By the time three months is up, if you keep demanding, I'm going to be sure. I'm going to be sure I do not want to adopt your inner kid.

If I want to adopt your kid, I will make sure to come to you with the invitation. I'm not trying to be mean about this, but I'm trying to give you an opportunity to prevent me from getting overwhelmed by you before you even have the chance to explore that type of relationship.

This has been a personal post. Other players may feel differently than I do, so feel free to add your own thoughts to the comments below.

Active vs. Passive Posts: What you Need to Know to be a Better Roleplayer

When people ask us "how are my posts," it's a difficult question to answer, because we're always worried that we might offend somebody with the response. The truth is that no matter how good a role player you are, there is always room for you to improve. We'll be posting a series of posts about how you can improve your role playing. 

Today's topic is "Active vs. Passive Posting." Understanding this concept and applying it will improve any post that you make in any role playing group and it will make you a more desirable roleplay partner.

Good posts are always active, since active posts give your partner something to reply to. 

It is a popular belief in role play that longer posts give the partner more to reply to. On the contrary, an active one-sentence post gives your partner more than 900 passive words. But what's an active post?

An active post creates an action, giving your partner some kind of story to reply to. Here is an example of an active post:

Drew's feet carried him along the path that bordered the woods, his eyes on his feet as he walked with Bryn beside him. For a long time they didn't talk, neither of them exchanging a word as he considered the circumstances and the reasons why they couldn't simply vanish into the woods. He was about to say something to Bryn, to point out that they were being impractical, when a rustling at the edge of the woods caught his attention. Surprised, he nudged her with his elbow. "You see that?" 

In a single paragraph, this post has provided the role play partner with something to reply to. What is that in the woods? Now Bryn's player can reply to the post by seeing something, going to explore it, or pointing out that it was just a rabbit. One way or another, Bryn can reply to this post by doing something or saying something in direct response to the post and to Drew.

Using the same scenario (belonging to real characters at Birchwood Isle), this is a passive post.

Drew continued to walk along the path, his eyes fixed to the ground as he went. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't speak aloud to Bryn. A bird flew overhead, and he raised his eyes to look at it, then sighed and continued to head back to their home at Second Chances. He wished that they could do more together, get out of the house more, and go into the woods together and never come back again, but that would be impossible. Both of them would get in trouble, but that wasn't the part that concerned him. He was much more concerned about whether or not they would be able to get enough food or supply their clothing.

Do you see how in the second example, Bryn might have difficulty replying except to make a post in which she shares her own thoughts about what she's doing? 

Passive posts are an especially difficult problem for role players who place heavy emphasis on the length of a post. The longer a post is, the more likely it is to be filled with "filler," words that aren't required in order to make the author's point. Good role play posts focus instead on three things:

1. Setting 
2. Action
3. Dialog

Since setting need only be discussed in the opening of a thread, and it's unnecessary to repeatedly describe a character's attire, points two and three become the imperative parts of a post. Your focus, therefore, should always be on the action and dialog of your posts.

In other words, each post should ideally contain two cues for your partner: An "action" cue and a "line" cue (much like in theatre). 

The action is something that your character has done or which has happened in the environment to which your partner may reply. 

Drew reached out to grab Bryn's arm, pulling her back from the danger of the bear lurking at the edge of the woods.

The line is something your character says to your partner which indicates that it's their turn to speak. 

"Watch out! Back away slowly, and be careful where you step!"

If you have questions about how this works, or would like to see more examples, please feel free to leave a comment, and I will supply some examples via our Tumblr page.

4 Reasons Severely Disordered Ageplay Characters aren't "Special" but Annoying

Although Birchwood Isle Ageplay and Spanking RPG is appless (meaning that we don't require many character details before you can get started), we do expect our members to work on developing their character and on fine-tuning their personalities. BWI is obviously a discipline-related role play, and we encourage (and use) physical punishment with the children and teens on the Island. However, our primary focus is not on the spanking, but on the relationships that build out of it.

Here's what I want to talk to you about today: Everybody wants to be special. 

Every player is trying to make their character stand out in the crowd of other characters on the site, especially considering that the administrators have a long list of characters originally created to flesh out the group and to give it the feel of a thriving community. More on this in another post.

The problem with this is that all-too often, people choose to build their character around what amounts to a list of disorders and symptoms in lieu of giving them a real personality. Before I get into the specific reasons that this doesn't work out well in the long run, I want to give you some examples of what we're talking about. These aren't specific examples pointing fingers at specific people, and any one of these issues alone wouldn't be a problem. 

• A severely autistic child who is also intellectually disabled and who is entirely mute. He writes backward using his left hand and only knows the Greek alphabet.
• A teenager who has a special eating disorder causing her to only want to eat rocks. She won't eat real food and any attempt to make her do so results in massive tantrums.
• A child who still wets their pants at age 11 and cannot be potty trained. This child is entirely antisocial with children his age and relies entirely on interactions in which adults change his pants.
• A girl who is absolutely terrified of men and who therefore becomes non-compliant in their presence, forcing them to punish her for her fear, or to simply stop interacting with her entirely.
• A child whose religion forbids him from being housed with other children in of the opposite sex, meaning that he must instantaneously placed in a private foster placement.
• A teenager whose chronic insensitivity to pain means that she cannot be physically punished in a system that espouses physical punishment, but who then acts out frequently due to her ADHD.

I could go on for quite some time about this, but my point is that your character needs to be more than any symptoms of diseases that they have. 

Please don't misunderstand. We absolutely permit you to play characters who have disorders or symptoms. All we ask is that you take the time necessary to research your disorder and understand the disease instead of making it up as you go along. For example, we have a thriving community of Deaf characters on Birchwood Isle. The people playing these characters have a firm understanding of Deaf culture, American Sign Language, and the Deaf community. 

If you choose to play a character with a disorder, be prepared to understand that disorder. Eating disorders and drug addiction are the most common and likely types of disorder we'd see in foster children on Birchwood Isle. These are relatively easy to research!

I've composed some reasons why making your character nothing but a list of their symptoms is unwise.

1. Characters who don't have personalities are boring. Bear in mind that a list of symptoms does not a personality make. Strengths, weaknesses, skills, and hobbies are the foundation of personality, as are motivations and behavior. Symptoms aren't any of these things, and therefore they are secondary to your character's personality. Characters with too many symptoms are generally void of personality, making them dry for their role play partners.
2. Disordered characters are difficult for adults. Our experience tells us that there are plenty of age players who seem to enjoy the strain that they place on the adult players, but we frown on this because over time, these types wear down the adult players, who will eventually leave the group or who won't want to continue to role play with the disordered child or teen. Don't make a difficult kid for the sake of being special. Do it because it's inside of you and be patient with your partners.
3. Disordered characters are often bratty or needy. Many people make a list of symptoms in the hopes not of making their character unique, but of making somebody "love" their character and want to bond with them because they are so needy and special. The fact is that most players with adult characters don't have the time or energy to devote to these disorders, and it's probably not going to happen for you. 
4. Severely disordered characters are generally considered "unadoptable" on Birchwood Isle. Because these children are especially difficult and place a lot of strain on the adult playing with them, the character is going to need to form a strong bond with an adult (and their player) in order to convince them to look past what makes the child or teen character difficult in order to love them.

I'm writing from experience. My character Toby is one of my earliest characters. I still play her because I love her, but she is especially difficult, with a nicotine addiction, anorexia, and a learning disability. It's taken me years of cultivating her personality and showing her vulnerabilities (which are few) in order to make her endearing to other people. Many people find her strange and unlikable because she's just too much.

If you need to, or want to, go ahead and make a disordered character, but bear in mind that they need to have a personality and that three or four disordered stacked on top of one another may result in your character being undesirable for adoption.

Feel free to ask any questions in the comments!

First Steps: Where and When to Make your First Post on Birchwood Isle

Birchwood Isle is growing rapidly (which is great!). This means that I've been sending out a lot of messages to welcome new members to the group and to encourage them to get involved wherever they can. One thing I've found in doing this is that the people playing adult characters are often the most nervous and worried about how to start, or whether or not they are needed.

First of all, let me reassure you: We always need adults. On an individual level, nearly every child or teen in the group is looking forward to interacting with an adult, but new adults can sometimes have a hard time getting a child or teen to post with them. Unfortunately, this often results in the nasty side effect of giving the adult player the impression that they are not needed or wanted. This alienation of adult players may result in losing them.

Fortunately, there are things that adults posting can do to make the transition easier for themselves and to increase the likelihood of getting a response from other members of the group. Please note that on Birchwood Isle that we guarantee to 90% that an open thread will receive a reply because if necessary, one of the administrators will take a thread that has waited past a certain amount of time.

1. Post your thread in a place where there will be other people. Our 10% margin of error in guaranteeing responses to open threads is that sometimes they are placed in areas that are private. For example, if you start a thread at your home, nobody is going to magically appear in your living room in order to reply to you. This is a real example of something we've seen in the past.
   
   Pro Tip: Go for public areas that would, logically, get a lot of foot traffic. On Birchwood Isle you may attract Teens and Adults by visiting any of the restaurants in town. Paying attention to board descriptions is helpful, as each one contains information about the types of characters most likely to frequent that area. Avoid shoppes, as they tend to be less busy. Children, Teens, and Adults may sometimes all be found in the community areas, such as parks and beaches. 
2. Make your thread active. The term "active" refers to a thread which provides the potential other player something to reply to. For example, you might post that "John tripped over a rock, his drink flying from his hand and landing all over the person who had been sitting on a bench nearby." Now this "person" (who is genderless and ageless) can react to being covered in soda. This is an "active" thread. More on this in another post.
   
   Pro Tip: Avoid defining the age or gender of the person who has bumped into your character, or who you tripped on, or who walked by you, or who just let a fart rip (whatever you want to do is fine, but be creative. "Bumping into somebody" is often over used!). This way you leave the thread open to a variety of different people and can explore role play with anyone who happens to want to play with you. Try not to cut yourself off in the first few posts you make on the board.
3. Communicate with the group. People are more likely to post with someone they have had time to become familiar with. When you chat in the cbox (or whatever method of communication is available in your group), you give the other members of the group a chance to get to know you. When two players are comfortable with one another, it's more likely that they will interact productively on the forum. It doesn't take much, just a friendly face in the cbox.
   
   Pro Tip: Most of us welcome a personal message sent to us about plotting with other people. It is wholly appropriate to contact someone to ask if they want to do a thread with you. In fact, if you're more comfortable plotting out your first thread, then be our guest! Our members are generally always looking for more interactions themselves, and would love to talk to you about what you want to play. Just send a message!
4. Respect limits. One of the things that child and teen players are most worried about, when entering into a thread with a new adult, is whether or not that adult is going to nit-pick their behavior and look for reasons to punish them. While many of them are here specifically to be spanked, they may be shy about entering a thread that may result in an adult wishing to spank them without first getting to know them.
   
   Pro Tip: Be friendly and open, and make sure that you're only posting for your character. If you state what a child or teen is doing or wearing, you risk them feeling trapped into a misbehavior that they didn't intend. Remember that they are fully capable of describing their own behavior, and that you can't punish them for something they didn't do. In fact, on Birchwood Isle, unless you're a guardian or they're your child, you can't punish them at all.
5. Be patient and keep trying. If for some reason your first thread doesn't get any attention, or your role play partner abandons it, or you don't get the age group or gender that you prefer, be patient. We recommend moving forward with the thread in as much as you can, and not dropping the "wrong" characters, since willingness to persevere tends to draw more of the right characters to you in the long run. You can always make a new thread. Adults are allowed as many as they want.
   
   Pro Tip: If you prefer a specific age or gender to join your thread, take the time to make a note on the thread that you want to interact with children, or adults, or teens. This is the best way to make sure that you get the "right" gender. Please don't be afraid, however, of engaging in peer relationships, as adult peer relationships can be amazing for both people involved in them.

I hope that these tips have helped you, at least a little bit. If you are having any problems, please feel free to ask in the comments!

Top Tips: How to Find an Adoptive Family for Your Inner Kid

Whether you're new to the age play community or you've been a part of it for many years, the same pressing question bothers most bottoms: How do I find a family for my inner kid? 

While this article is geared toward members of Birchwood Isle (in conjunction with the original posting if our adoption policies), it applies to anyone in the ageplay community who is looking to find a family for their inner kid. These tips should work whether you are trying to be part of a biological family or trying to get adopted in a foster care group.

Members of Birchwood Isle are asked to please read this thoroughly and keep these tips in mind. Potential players will of course be interested in what this has to say, but I wish for people in both groups to understand this first and foremost: We're going to find a family for your inner kid, if you work with us. Unless you fight us every step of the way, or don't want your inner kid to be adopted, we will find an adoptive family for you.

1. Don't ask someone to adopt you. I know that this is incredibly difficult for most people, but when you ask someone to adopt you, you apply pressure to them to say "yes," even if they aren't comfortable making that commitment.
   
   
   Pro Tip: Instead of asking someone to adopt you, open a dialog with them. Ask them what they're looking for in a child they might want to adopt, ask about their discipline policies, and invite them to talk to you about what they want. When you make it about them and not about you, you get better results.
   
   
2. Avoid bratty behavior. While we acknowledge that most of our members are eager to get punished (since that's one of the main themes of our game), bratty behavior (such as hiding out to smoke pot, or running away from home, or shouting obscenities at random) makes your inner kid less desirable, and potential parents are less likely to adopt children who they see as "bratty."
   
   
   Pro Tip: Instead of acting out with the deliberate intention of getting in trouble, try some natural behaviors. A young child is generally less likely to be disrespectful toward adults than a teenager is, but may talk back when she hears something she doesn't like. A little boy is more likely to leave the grounds because he's chasing a rabbit than he is to leave because he's angry with his foster parents. Make the behavior make sense, if you want to get adopted! 

   
   
3. Post a lot. This should go without saying, and our "one thread per kid at a time" rule may make this seemingly difficult, but in any group you encounter, you should be able to post frequently and broadly. Don't just post with adults, find peers to role play with, learn to enjoy different combinations of characters. Play with characters of both sexes, maybe try non-binary genders, kids, teens, adults, teachers, social workers, therapists and other caretakers. Show off how great your kid is so that people will want to adopt him.
   
   

   Pro Tip: Threads between two children often lead to disciplinary measures needing to take place because they often degenerate. This is a natural way to get the spanking you came to the group for in the first place, without appearing bratty. Taking time to get to know other kids could ultimately get you the very thing you first wanted from your roleplay partner, so you wind up killing two birds with one stone! Even better, adults reading threads looking for kids to adopt will see how friendly your inner kid is and may want to adopt him!
   
   
4. Attend site events. This might mostly apply to Birchwood Isle, but if your group has events, the same thing works: Go to the events. Post in them. Make yourself available to the adults who may be looking to adopt. 
   
   

   Pro Tip: Talk to a number of adults at events, if available. Don't focus only on the one that you're already determined that you want. Try not to misbehave and to get in trouble at these events, as punishment is time consuming and disruptive and doesn't allow you to make the most of the time you have. Our events only last one month, so that time is limited.
   
   
5. Be patient. I know that this is hard. When I introduce a new inner kid character, I'm already ready to see that character get adopted into a loving family. It's not always possible for a child to be adopted straight away in a group, so you have to be patient.
   
   

   Pro Tip: Make the most of the time that you spend waiting, by making friends and maybe enemies, and getting to know what all the site has to offer. Every site should have something incredible to offer you as a player, and you can use this time wisely to get to know the group.

4 Reasons to We Promote "Relationships First" at Birchwood Isle Spanking Roleplay

Birchwood Isle is different than most typical "ageplay" roleplaying groups you've probably encountered. Some groups allow their inner child members to act out and get spanked immediately, then move on to the next misbehavior and the next punishment. We refer to this as "bratting" (yes, a verb), or as "being a brat." The problem with this wording is that it doesn't matter how terrible the bratty behavior is the person playing the brat doesn't see the behavior as bratty. Believe me, I've seen this time and again, and there's nothing more infuriating than telling somebody to please stop attention-seeking only to have to clean up the pieces of a wounded player who didn't think they were doing anything wrong.

So we've dispensed with this impractical language. Spanking role plays are always going to have their fair share of people who want nothing more than to get to their next spanking -- and quickly. Hey, I get it! I like having my characters get spanked by my role play partners too. I'd be lying if I told you I had no interest in punishment in the role play.

Instead of discouraging bratty behavior, we've started to encourage our members to focus on the relationships that their characters are building through the spanking role play. We do this for some very specific reasons, and it's getting us great results from our players. Why? 

Let's talk about it!

1. The punishments you get from a character (adult) who cares about you are a million times better than being punished by a character who doesn't like you. Many age players enter into a group hoping to get spanked soon after (or even during!) their arrival post. At this point, your roleplay partner (and their character) hasn't had enough time to get to know you and to become invested in making the thread good for you. In fact, intimate physical contact with your character may feel inappropriate to your partner.
2. Some players are uncomfortable punishing somebody they haven't gotten to know yet. Remember when you first joined a group and you were nervous about making mistakes or getting it wrong? The person playing your adult probably feels similarly, and doesn't want to jump right into a thread where they have to punish. Taking the time to get to know the other character eases this tension a bit and builds trust.
3. A strong relationship provides a better chance of "successful" discipline for both the adult and the child characters. If the goal of a punishment is to get through it so that you can move on to the next punishment and get spanked again, then you're getting into trouble for the wrong reasons and you're not enjoying those spankings as much as you think you are. A strong bond means it's more likely that you won't rebound into another quick fix.
4. Adults are more likely to cuddle children they've bonded with, and nearly everybody wants to be cuddled after a spanking. The majority of people who come to Birchwood Isle want to be spanked -- and provided with the cursory after care when the punishment is over. It can be awkward for an adult to provide physical comfort to a child they don't know well and don't have feelings for. A bond ensures that the adult is more apt to provide that comfort.

Is going from one quickie to the next easier than building relationships for you? Or do you prefer to put the time into bonding with your partner? Have you ever seen the benefits of taking your time?

New Beginnings Activity Night

It's the time of year for ghosts and goblins, and spooks galore! New Beginnings is getting in the mood with its October Activity Night! 

This month, join the children of New Beginnings to carve pumpkins in the kitchen and dining room. Children are paired up at random, with late-comers being added to existed pairings as they arrive in the group and sign up for the activity.

Every month, the Birchwood Isle ageplay and spanking roleplaying group hosts activity nights for the children of New Beginnings. This is a unique way that we encourage our members to participate with one another and to step outside of their comfort zone by playing with characters they may not otherwise get a chance to experience. All foster children are invited to join in the experience and in the fun!

Come join us!